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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
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(1 of 85)
When a Current Event affects your personally in real life. A few Questions
Oct 17, 2009 7:17 PM
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Recently in the News here in Oregon was a story about a 14 year old girl that got caught up with some sickos on Craigslist. It turns out that the 14 year old girl is the daughter of a very close friend of mine that I have been friends with for almost 20 years. The girl has been with the Police alot and is currently recieveing therapy and counseling. My question is I just found out about it and was wondering if i can get some suggestions as to how to deal with this and with the young girl. Should I try to ignore it and pretend it never happened. Should I watch what I say? Should I be enouraging or supporting and try to help? . Im at a loss for words when this hits so close. Im so angry for what they did to her and I want to be there for the whole family. They have had such hard times for the last year with sickness and unemployment and homelessness in the family and now this.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091008/ap_on_re_us/us_sex_crimes_7
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
13,552
From:
upper right
Registered:
8/3/08
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(2 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:32 PM
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There isn't any answer that
a) fits all
b) anyone who knows you by nothing more than a moniker and a few political opinions can tell you.
In my mind, it has less to do with your relationship with your friend and more to do with you relationship with the girl herself.
I have some friends whose children are just that, children of friends.
I have had a few friends where I was also, genuinely, a "friend" to the kids; the grown up that they could talk to about "grown up" stuff they couldn't talk to their parents about. One friend even put her daughter on the phone with me a couple of times to do just that. Her kids, I would simply sit down at the kitchen table, safely alone, and just ask; "can we talk about this?" And THIS would probably end with her knowing a little more about life than she should have to, and both of us crying together. But many others, I would have to ask my friends for guidance.
This is VERY personal. Hence, your response can not come from a cookie cutter.
Sorry for all of you having to even ponder such questions.
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Republicans cheat.
Democrats ignore the rules, and tell us THAT is different.
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
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(3 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:35 PM
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Thanks 42. We lived together for quite a long time. Both mom and daughter and I are very close. Hell for 15 years now for the girl. Its funny and uncomfortable that I don't know how to act around her. The anger I feel is more then I feel for most people that do such things as it hits much closer to home.
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
8,377
From:
Lawrence Frackin' Kansas
Registered:
2/28/01
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(4 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:40 PM
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In all honesty, I got about half way through the Yahoo article and quit. Sick.
"Should I try to ignore it and pretend it never happened."
To the young girl? I'd say yes.
"Should I watch what I say?"
Again, yes.
"Should I be encouraging or supporting and try to help?"
Only if it's brought up by your friend. Then absolutely do so. Be prepared though. Know how you want and what you can do to help and support. Brainstorm yourself a list. Though WHAT you can do escapes me.
"Im at a loss for words when this hits so close."
I'm not nearly as close and the words I type to you right now sound hollow.
"Im so angry for what they did to her and I want to be there for the whole family."
That's because you're a class act.
"They have had such hard times for the last year with sickness and unemployment and homelessness in the family and now this."
This part is my loss for words.
Being there is sometimes just that. Don't go proactive. The stability of just having life go on could be a help in and of itself. Perhaps the family, with the heavy burden of all of this on their minds, doesn't want to deal with it 24/7. I hope that makes sense.
Lame as it is, that's the best I have.
F
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If it's called "Common sense," why is it so rare?
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
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(5 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:41 PM
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And thanks to you Fred. Im just looking for some opinions and help in how I can deal and help with the situation. One thing that is good is that my G/F and her are very close too. I feel sad for the innocence lost and ruined. I know that some here are just names on a screen but some I do consider my friends.
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
13,552
From:
upper right
Registered:
8/3/08
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(6 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:55 PM
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My best "opinion" is arrange for some private, but "safe" time and prepare yourself for VERY uncomfortable silence. If the opportunity to do more than simply "be there" is offered, take it. But even if silence is all that occurs, you will at least have dissipated some of the awkwardness that WILL have to be traversed.
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Republicans cheat.
Democrats ignore the rules, and tell us THAT is different.
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Posts:
8,377
From:
Lawrence Frackin' Kansas
Registered:
2/28/01
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(7 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 7:58 PM
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"I know that some here are just names on a screen but some I do consider my friends."
You can always see my pictures on Facebook. 
Perhaps your G/F might have some ideas as well. Again though, it's not something I personally would bring up and to her (G/F) I would offer the same advice.
Just know that it's there (Hard not to, but you catch my meaning) and when/if the girl brings it up there's a supportive response ready to go. It's a sticky wicket though. To say the least. 42 is on the money about cookie cutter responses.
F
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If it's called "Common sense," why is it so rare?
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
6/11/04
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(8 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:09 PM
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Thanks again guys.  . I will certainly keep what you have said in mind. And Fred. Ive seen your mugshot.....ER pictures already LOL. I think in some way Ill have to get over my anger and dsgust too or keep it in check when talking about those scum.
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
8,377
From:
Lawrence Frackin' Kansas
Registered:
2/28/01
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(9 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:15 PM
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Yeah? Well I still haven't seen YOUR mugshot Mr. "Names on the screen." 
And you have every right to be angry. I've found it's easier to keep it check once a good explosion has come and gone...
F
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If it's called "Common sense," why is it so rare?
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Posts:
9,866
Registered:
11/18/04
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(10 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:15 PM
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Kaos
I have just read the article, all I can say is this is way over my pay grade. I would not feel comfortable giving advice on something as terrible as this.
Innocence has been stolen, trust for adults has been destroyed and she is still really a child.
I can only suggest you seek professional advice and counseling.
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Liberty without obedience is confusion, obedience without liberty is slavery
There's never a right time to be in the wrong place"
jasser
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
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(11 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:19 PM
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Thanks Jasser. I have a friend who is a professional and Ill be talking to him too. I just found out about this and still stunned. Just hard to try and go through the mood swings right now. And personally talking to some here is better then in person because of that LOL.
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
9,866
Registered:
11/18/04
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(12 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:36 PM
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I have dealt with a similar situation but under different circumstances. The victim didn't come forward until the abuser was dead, the victim was by then 40 years old. The abuse had started when the girl was about 11.
This has divided the whole family into two camps, those who believe the accuser and those who can not believe her. She has two sisters who swear their father never did what he has been accused of, it has shattered the memories of the widow.
About as ugly as it can get.
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Liberty without obedience is confusion, obedience without liberty is slavery
There's never a right time to be in the wrong place"
jasser
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
6/11/04
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(13 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally. A Question
Oct 17, 2009 8:38 PM
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Well this I guess happened over a month ago. So its still fresh for her and the family.
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
12,591
From:
Portland Oregon
Registered:
6/11/04
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(14 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally in real life. A few Questions
Oct 17, 2009 8:50 PM
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Jeez I guess this was reported nationwide too  .
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"Ok for the thousandth time. I SUPPORT BOTH Palestine and Israel. I want the peace process to go on and end with a final solution that will be embraced by both. I wants them to live together or seperately peacefully with eachother. I want the killings to STOP on BOTH SIDES.And I have condemned and praised BOTH for their actions bad or good"
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Posts:
8,377
From:
Lawrence Frackin' Kansas
Registered:
2/28/01
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(15 of 85)
Re: When a Current Event Effects your personally in real life. A few Questions
Oct 17, 2009 8:51 PM
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That will pass. Let it.
F
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If it's called "Common sense," why is it so rare?
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